Relationship Not Dictatorship

After having worked with dogs for over 2 decades I still see trainers and dog owners missing a very simple but foundational principle in training.

Predominantly training is viewed as a dictatorship where the owner must dictate everything, and the dog should just follow. “If I say sit, they must sit.” More often than not, this approach creates a great deal of stress for the dog and the owner. It also creates issues that the owner/dictator is not able to address through dictatorship. The first conversation I have with them includes statements from the owners like, “They just don’t listen” or “Can you make them listen better”.  Their understanding of the relationship is where they are failing.

In my classes no matter what class I’m teaching at some point I will ask two questions at some point in the class.

1. How many people here got a dog because you wanted something to boss around and dictate to?

2. How many people here got a dog to be a companion?

Without fail 0 hands go up on the first question and every hand goes up on the second question. I ask this question to get them to stop and think about how what they are doing is in conflict with what they intended to do.

Why is there such a disconnect for people between what they intend to do, and what they actually do?

I believe it falls on the training industry and how trainers have lacked in educating the public about dog training.

 If you have been around dog trainers for any amount of time you have heard “I love working with the dogs, it’s the people I don’t like.” People are at least 50% of dog training. If you don’t like people, you will not be very effective educating them on dog training. There will be gaps that they will have to fill in for themselves with no knowledge as to whether their speculations are correct.

Often, when dog owners go to fill in the gaps left by the trainers, they use “common” knowledge solutions. The publics “common” knowledge is dated and distorted.

“Common” knowledge for dog training today, based on what I hear from hundreds of clients a year, is based on methods that were used in the 60’s and 70’s.

That’s how far behind the public is with their understanding of dog behavior. I hear statements like I need to be the dominant, I let the dog know I’m the boss, I must be the Alpha, they need to sit every time I say sit, when they don’t listen I alpha roll them. These statements sound like things a dictator would say.

When I hear these old, disproven theories, I attribute it to trainers not educating people. Often, the trainer has success with the dog and spends little to no effort educating the owner about dog behavior.

Now that we can see why many dog owners would use an approach that conflicts with what they intended when they got their dog, let’s address how to remedy that conflict.

 The good thing for trainers is most people are relieved to learn they no longer must be a dictator and are happy to change their approach. As trainers we don’t need to spend much time educating them on why being a dictator is not working. They have already been struggling with that approach and don’t need convincing. So, time can be spent on educating them on relationship-based training.

When introducing people to relationship-based training, I use their human relationships to help them relate to the concept. You don’t have any human relationships where you make demands, and the other person must obey or be corrected right from the start. You develop the relationship over time, and it is communicated what both of your boundaries are, your likes and dislikes, their likes and dislikes and you develop common ground you both accept.

The conflict the owner is having with the dog is a large percentage of the time because (just like human relationships) communication is at the very least ineffective. In the conflict with the dog and their behavior, the owner has not been able to effectively communicate their boundaries to the dog and the owner also has not understood what the dog is communicating.  

Trainers should spend their time helping develop a better relationship between the dog and owner to have long lasting effective results.

Dog Training is relationship building between the owner and their dog. Educating owners on how to continue to improve their relationship with their dogs is the most effective way to be successful.

This is a zoomed-out view about dog training. As I continue with these blogs, details will be added to help fill in the gaps for trainers and dog owners so people can stop looking back 50 years for answers to today’s issues.

Moving from Dictatorship to Relationship is an easy choice for most if we, as trainers, commit to educating our clients.